First steps

These doors, I have stood outside doors just like these a couple times this week. I have been in front of these doors before, this isn't my first time taking these "first steps". Taking the first steps even the second, third or for the hundredth time seems to never get easier.

I know what is inside these doors that will never change, I know behind these doors there is nothing to fear. There is understanding, love, warmth and total confidential.

Behind these doors tho comes with admitting that as strong as you are, as much as you do EVERYTHING on your own, that you don't need anyone and you can do it your damn self mentality, you can't do this alone because alone means doing the same damn behaviours over and over again. Alone means allowing the same damn behaviours to happen to you over and over again. Alone means standing still and not moving forward with the flow of life.

Now through these doors isn't easy, it is only for the strong, it isn't perfection, it isn't knowing everything, it isn't doing the right things EVERY DAY. What it is, is know you are strong, it is knowing you can do better and will do better. It is expecting better for YOU! It is knowing you deserve better. It is knowing that you are worth it. You are worth being better for YOU!

Logically I know all this, I have said these words to other women a million times. I have healed myself more than once and I know I am strong enough to do it again and know that if I work hard every day I will still slip and I will fall but I can and will get back up. Logically I know all this. I am the one that picks others up. I am the one who has been there done that and knows through experience and here I am, the one needing to take these steps.

 My heart and stomach seem to think other things at the moment.

I can tell myself a million things and understand them logically including that it is okay to be here....again. It is okay to need the support even though I am the supporter. It is OKAY

I am worth my time, the time I give everyone else, the support I give everyone else, the things I do for everyone else. I am worth all those thing!!! Now to just convince myself lol

Today is different, today I walk through these doors. I take a deep breath in and take those steps, only because a women seen me and started to talk to me and now yes I have to go in lol.


YOU are worth those first steps!