I had no idea this was even an issues until I was looking for a pattern for reusable bags when I came across this blog
When I chew gum its Dentyne Ice
But I really had no idea that gum contains plastic. Well it turns out this blog post explains it all.
I tend to stay away from gun because I end up biting the inside of my mouth when I chew it, but for those who need to chew the gum they make natural gums that do not contain any plastics!
The blog think that I included will tell you all about those gums!
Anyway food for thought now back to finding a good reusable bag pattern. Do you know of any?
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Brain Doctor Take 1
Waiting since my first brain injury to see a doctor, ANY doctor about the injury was horrible, no one would take me on. Well then I second and third brain injury and finally was able to get into the brain injury clinic in London.
This is special clinic and very hard to get into.
The whole experience was amazing from the moment I got there.
I park the car, a man with a little dog parks next to me, he has had a stroke and now takes his dog EVERYWHERE he goes. I get to pet and love the little thing up. I walk into the wrong doors, and look completely lost. They redirect me to where I am actually supposed to be. I am early which is fine I have my crossword book.
I get registered and take a seat with my book. A nurse comes out and asks if I would like to moved to a darker quieter room until the doctor is ready for me. WOW that is a first someone who takes into consideration what a loud bright room does to me. She takes me to a room and turns the lights down, she asks me a million questions and I start to cry to because I don't want her to think I am crazy, or making it up or all the other nasty things Sarnia Hospital seems to think every time I go in and accuse me of just wanting pain meds, which I don't I can't even take pain meds because of the reaction to them. As I am crying and telling her something she says no no no that's normal it was actually my next question on the sheet, see look. OMG!!!! She was amazing and once the questions are finished she offers me a blanket and says if I need anything at all just peek my head out and she will come right away.
I sit for what feels like forever! It was about 30mins because the clock in there is fast lol. A student doctor comes in and asks me a million more questions, I answer as best I can and am crying again. I am not a crier but this is my last hope. No one at the Sarnia Hospital believes me, Dr.Keith my sports doctor is doing everything humanly possible to support and help me through all this and Dr.Campbell my personal doctor has been trying every neurologist across Ontario for 2 years to find someone who will take me on. This here, this apt is my last hope to not feel like I am crazy!
The doctor comes in about 20 mins later and she is AMAZING! She gets it! All of it! I explain that I don't feel pain normal because of the high dose of pain blockers I am on. She said no, you should be feeling no pain at all with pain blockers you are, but what is it at most of the time. We go over everything. She tries to touch my head but it hurts so bad to the touch.
I see it in her eyes and hear it in voice, I am not sure what it is yet but it scares me. She says we need to get this extreme pain under control before we can do anything else. This is the first time someone has called it extreme pain! This is the first time someone gets it! I ask her a few times about the other stuff going on because of the brain injury and she just keeps saying we have to get the pain under control first. That scares me.
Turns out the SUV door slamming on my head damaged the nerve at the back of the head/top of the spine area. This nerve controls the entire left side of the brain. This is my head feels like it does! OMG answers! She says its just like with your foot. Great well I know what has happened with my left foot, I am stuck like that rest of life according to doctors.
She says she wants to put on 100MG of progablin. Its another pain blocker, they want me up to 600MG before my next apt in Sept. If they can get this pain down enough to inject the nerve with freezing. The same freezing they use at the dentist. This has a change of resetting the nerve. So if it works then I wont be in extreme pain anymore, if it doesn't work, at least I will have some relief for a few hours. If it doesn't work I will be stuck with this pain for the rest of my life.
So now I take 250MG of pain blockers in the morning and 100MG at night for a week and each week I go up 100MG at bedtime until I am at 600MG.
Do I want to be on meds the rest of my life no! But I surely want to function, I want to live as normal of a life as a person with post traumatic brain injury syndrome can life.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't cry, at least not in front of anyone its an alone activity. Yesterday for the first time in my life I broke down in a doctors office. I broke down because the pain in unbearable day to day. I broke down because this was my last chance at help. I broke down because until now no one understood. No one got it!
Yesterday wouldn't have been possible if I didn't keep asking for help. I may be like this rest of my life, I may be in pain like this the rest of my life. But I know I am not crazy like the hospital made me feel.
When your in pain like this everyday you start to wonder if it is just in your head, yes, yes it is in my head literately a damaged nerve in my head!!!
This is special clinic and very hard to get into.
The whole experience was amazing from the moment I got there.
I park the car, a man with a little dog parks next to me, he has had a stroke and now takes his dog EVERYWHERE he goes. I get to pet and love the little thing up. I walk into the wrong doors, and look completely lost. They redirect me to where I am actually supposed to be. I am early which is fine I have my crossword book.
I get registered and take a seat with my book. A nurse comes out and asks if I would like to moved to a darker quieter room until the doctor is ready for me. WOW that is a first someone who takes into consideration what a loud bright room does to me. She takes me to a room and turns the lights down, she asks me a million questions and I start to cry to because I don't want her to think I am crazy, or making it up or all the other nasty things Sarnia Hospital seems to think every time I go in and accuse me of just wanting pain meds, which I don't I can't even take pain meds because of the reaction to them. As I am crying and telling her something she says no no no that's normal it was actually my next question on the sheet, see look. OMG!!!! She was amazing and once the questions are finished she offers me a blanket and says if I need anything at all just peek my head out and she will come right away.
I sit for what feels like forever! It was about 30mins because the clock in there is fast lol. A student doctor comes in and asks me a million more questions, I answer as best I can and am crying again. I am not a crier but this is my last hope. No one at the Sarnia Hospital believes me, Dr.Keith my sports doctor is doing everything humanly possible to support and help me through all this and Dr.Campbell my personal doctor has been trying every neurologist across Ontario for 2 years to find someone who will take me on. This here, this apt is my last hope to not feel like I am crazy!
The doctor comes in about 20 mins later and she is AMAZING! She gets it! All of it! I explain that I don't feel pain normal because of the high dose of pain blockers I am on. She said no, you should be feeling no pain at all with pain blockers you are, but what is it at most of the time. We go over everything. She tries to touch my head but it hurts so bad to the touch.
I see it in her eyes and hear it in voice, I am not sure what it is yet but it scares me. She says we need to get this extreme pain under control before we can do anything else. This is the first time someone has called it extreme pain! This is the first time someone gets it! I ask her a few times about the other stuff going on because of the brain injury and she just keeps saying we have to get the pain under control first. That scares me.
Turns out the SUV door slamming on my head damaged the nerve at the back of the head/top of the spine area. This nerve controls the entire left side of the brain. This is my head feels like it does! OMG answers! She says its just like with your foot. Great well I know what has happened with my left foot, I am stuck like that rest of life according to doctors.
She says she wants to put on 100MG of progablin. Its another pain blocker, they want me up to 600MG before my next apt in Sept. If they can get this pain down enough to inject the nerve with freezing. The same freezing they use at the dentist. This has a change of resetting the nerve. So if it works then I wont be in extreme pain anymore, if it doesn't work, at least I will have some relief for a few hours. If it doesn't work I will be stuck with this pain for the rest of my life.
So now I take 250MG of pain blockers in the morning and 100MG at night for a week and each week I go up 100MG at bedtime until I am at 600MG.
Do I want to be on meds the rest of my life no! But I surely want to function, I want to live as normal of a life as a person with post traumatic brain injury syndrome can life.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't cry, at least not in front of anyone its an alone activity. Yesterday for the first time in my life I broke down in a doctors office. I broke down because the pain in unbearable day to day. I broke down because this was my last chance at help. I broke down because until now no one understood. No one got it!
Yesterday wouldn't have been possible if I didn't keep asking for help. I may be like this rest of my life, I may be in pain like this the rest of my life. But I know I am not crazy like the hospital made me feel.
When your in pain like this everyday you start to wonder if it is just in your head, yes, yes it is in my head literately a damaged nerve in my head!!!
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Are you easy?
Easy to get along with that is. Today I am asking myself if I am easy to get along.
I would like to say yes right off the hop because I am easy going, pretty good at holding it all together and inside. I mind my business, am a good listener and give good advice.
I like to think with the right mind set everyone is easy to get along with, some people just take more effort to control my responses and reactions.
But that is coming from me, and we all like to hope that we are putting our best foot forward so maybe in the eyes of others I am not easy to get along with. I decided to take this questions to those who know me best.
My Sister: I figured she would say that I am not easy to get along with because well she is my little sister and sisters don't always get along. What she actually said was "most of the time why?" When I asked her what made me easy to get along with she said "I donno lol"
Connely: Thinking he would say no, because I am strong willed and a pain in the arse when I can't decide where to go for dinner. "Sure why?" and when asked what makes me easy to get a long with or why am I easy to get a long with he said "I donno, why ask me a question I don't know the answer too"
Richard: He has known me for 20 years and I am sure he is going to say no lol or unless you piss me off. "You can be but your extremely stubborn sometimes" was his response and when I asked what makes me easy to get along with me said "I didn't know that was a personality flaw" lol
So I guess I am easy to get along with for the most part!
Do you think your easy to get along with? What do you think your family would say about you?
I would like to say yes right off the hop because I am easy going, pretty good at holding it all together and inside. I mind my business, am a good listener and give good advice.
I like to think with the right mind set everyone is easy to get along with, some people just take more effort to control my responses and reactions.
But that is coming from me, and we all like to hope that we are putting our best foot forward so maybe in the eyes of others I am not easy to get along with. I decided to take this questions to those who know me best.
My Sister: I figured she would say that I am not easy to get along with because well she is my little sister and sisters don't always get along. What she actually said was "most of the time why?" When I asked her what made me easy to get along with she said "I donno lol"
Connely: Thinking he would say no, because I am strong willed and a pain in the arse when I can't decide where to go for dinner. "Sure why?" and when asked what makes me easy to get a long with or why am I easy to get a long with he said "I donno, why ask me a question I don't know the answer too"
Richard: He has known me for 20 years and I am sure he is going to say no lol or unless you piss me off. "You can be but your extremely stubborn sometimes" was his response and when I asked what makes me easy to get along with me said "I didn't know that was a personality flaw" lol
So I guess I am easy to get along with for the most part!
Do you think your easy to get along with? What do you think your family would say about you?
Monday, June 24, 2019
Boys with long hair!
Hair cutting is a sensory issue for him. First he's not a fan of people touching him, doesn't do well with loud noises and he's not good with change.
So hair cutting is a screaming nightmare and really hard on him, we have tried twice. He wants his long hair that is just fine with me.
He is like girls with long hair who hate their hair being brushed but he will let me do it.
People call him a girl all the time and he just corrects them, no I am a boy I have a penis is his normal answer.
Most of my family and his dad's family give us grief about his long hair but we feel it is his hair, his body, his choice. His grandfather on his dad's side went as far as cutting 1/2 his hair when Blaine started to freak out!!! Blaine was so upset about it. I lost it on him because 1 it isn't his child and 2 it isn't his hair or his body!
I know so many boys and men with long hair, I don't see why people need to make an issue out of it. I made him a shirt that say "Yes I am a boy, I just have better hair than you" this week and his dad has decided to grow his hair long again too.
Children have so little control of anything in their little lives we can at least allow them to have control over what happens to their bodies!
Women have short hair and no one bats an eye but a little boy with long hair and everyone is up in arms.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Not so little white dog
I got an urgent message from a women pleading I go pick up her sons dog from people who had her.
I will save you all the details because most of them are lies.
She is a 120lbs Scotts American Bull Dog 2 years old
She deserved a better start to life.
Little miss came from a backyard breeder who bred their male to get a female they could use for breeding.
Sweet miss was only kept to use to make money. Sweet miss never got training, socialization etc
At 120lbs she wants to kill ALL dogs. She can not be walked because as soon as she sees a dog even across a park she tries to attack. 2 muzzles later we rotate my poor dogs with her. She even tries to kill them though the gate.
Fighting a 120lbs to prevent her from trying to kill the neighbours asshole of a dog is no easy task.
People think that its okay, just put her on a farm. Well here is the thing is there a 100% chance that she will never encounter another animal for the next 12 years? No, if someone with no experience tries to break up a dog fight they could be seriously injured even though she wouldn't mean too. If a child got in the way? That child could be seriously injured or worse. If she kills or seriously injuries another animal?
These are the questions we have to ask ourselves it isn't fair to the little miss to live like this either. The high alert and anxiety she is feeling breaks my heart. She deserved better from the start some might say and I 100% agree but at the same time she might just we wired this way.
When she came into care her ear were like leather, black inside, red and swollen from not being cared for properly. She is on special meds and food for allergies and of course daily ear care, even with all that she has wounds from itching 24/7.
I was her fifth and final stop in her short life. I healed her ears, cared for and loved her but in the end that wasn't enough to help her over come her severe dog aggression. She ripped Bosscos ear to chin twice and Bossco loves ALL dogs.
People please train your dogs, socialize your dogs and work with your dogs from day one because at 120lbs they become a risk that is not only a liability but the guilt I would feel if she killed or hurt a human or another would kill me.
In the end the person who kept her just for breeding gets off with nothing and my wounds from breaking up dog fights are healing and my heart is breaking from having to say good bye to yet another furry friend who didn't have the life they deserved because of irresponsible breeders!
You bred to have her
You kept her to bred her
You sent her to 4 homes
She met me
She knew kindness
She knew Love
You will do it again
I cry into lifeless fur
We can not save them all but we can at least make their goodbyes as painless as possible.
SPAY, NEUTER, SOCIALIZE, TRAIN, RESCUE, FOSTER, ADOPT
I will save you all the details because most of them are lies.
She is a 120lbs Scotts American Bull Dog 2 years old
She deserved a better start to life.
Little miss came from a backyard breeder who bred their male to get a female they could use for breeding.
Sweet miss was only kept to use to make money. Sweet miss never got training, socialization etc
At 120lbs she wants to kill ALL dogs. She can not be walked because as soon as she sees a dog even across a park she tries to attack. 2 muzzles later we rotate my poor dogs with her. She even tries to kill them though the gate.
Fighting a 120lbs to prevent her from trying to kill the neighbours asshole of a dog is no easy task.
People think that its okay, just put her on a farm. Well here is the thing is there a 100% chance that she will never encounter another animal for the next 12 years? No, if someone with no experience tries to break up a dog fight they could be seriously injured even though she wouldn't mean too. If a child got in the way? That child could be seriously injured or worse. If she kills or seriously injuries another animal?
These are the questions we have to ask ourselves it isn't fair to the little miss to live like this either. The high alert and anxiety she is feeling breaks my heart. She deserved better from the start some might say and I 100% agree but at the same time she might just we wired this way.
When she came into care her ear were like leather, black inside, red and swollen from not being cared for properly. She is on special meds and food for allergies and of course daily ear care, even with all that she has wounds from itching 24/7.
I was her fifth and final stop in her short life. I healed her ears, cared for and loved her but in the end that wasn't enough to help her over come her severe dog aggression. She ripped Bosscos ear to chin twice and Bossco loves ALL dogs.
People please train your dogs, socialize your dogs and work with your dogs from day one because at 120lbs they become a risk that is not only a liability but the guilt I would feel if she killed or hurt a human or another would kill me.
In the end the person who kept her just for breeding gets off with nothing and my wounds from breaking up dog fights are healing and my heart is breaking from having to say good bye to yet another furry friend who didn't have the life they deserved because of irresponsible breeders!
You bred to have her
You kept her to bred her
You sent her to 4 homes
She met me
She knew kindness
She knew Love
You will do it again
I cry into lifeless fur
We can not save them all but we can at least make their goodbyes as painless as possible.
SPAY, NEUTER, SOCIALIZE, TRAIN, RESCUE, FOSTER, ADOPT
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Homeschool trip: Storybook gardens
Yes May and June are pretty much fully book for homeschool trips because where we live we try to get as many outdoor activities in while the the weather is nice and before most families end the homeschool year until Sept!
The homeschool trip to Storybook was awesome. The kids had soooo much fine. We had fun too. I went on the rides with Blaine expect the train Sarah did the train. Our group was booked to do the hand on science show at 11:30 but it was too loud for Blaine and Josh so we decided to skip it and let the kids decide what they wanted to do.
There was so much to see and do. We started out at the pretend houses and the kids played pretend store, vet office, fire fighters, farmers and OMG the hilarity of the bounce rabbits and pigs still makes me giggle thinking about it.
There is a a giant bounce pillow that was really cool and they went on that twice!
They did the mud pit for a little bit but it wasn't really muddy it was mainly sand with other parents asking their kids not to play with the hoses so we were not there long.
We did the Splash pad which has gotten so much bigger and better than it was last time we were there. The kids played in the water until they were cold and hungry and then we had sun while they dried in the sun.
The ride on bike were new to us, but Blaine hopped right on and away he went and even when there wasn't a bike for him at that moment he ran around the track and still had a blast!
The pirate play ground area is my favourite, that day there wasn't much seating in the shade but kids had a blast and when they were tired and it was almost time for us to leave anyway we did the rides. Blaine was only tall enough to do two on his own so I went on with him for the Farris wheel, YUP I am still terrified of heights! He asked me to go on the elephants with him which I did and it was a tight squeeze for my legs I am not sure how tall moms would get in there. They did the slide sacks twice and had so much fun! The bigger kids did the swings while we did the elephants.
On our way out we stopped at the carousel which for some reason didn't have music. Blaine asked me to stand on with him while he road a horse which I regretted because of the brain injury. Everyone walked over to ride the train, which I HATE with a passion so Sarah road with them the first ride and the second ride he road with the older kids alone.
I am so proud of him over coming his fears!
It was a long, hot but amazing day!
The homeschool trip to Storybook was awesome. The kids had soooo much fine. We had fun too. I went on the rides with Blaine expect the train Sarah did the train. Our group was booked to do the hand on science show at 11:30 but it was too loud for Blaine and Josh so we decided to skip it and let the kids decide what they wanted to do.
There was so much to see and do. We started out at the pretend houses and the kids played pretend store, vet office, fire fighters, farmers and OMG the hilarity of the bounce rabbits and pigs still makes me giggle thinking about it.
There is a a giant bounce pillow that was really cool and they went on that twice!
They did the mud pit for a little bit but it wasn't really muddy it was mainly sand with other parents asking their kids not to play with the hoses so we were not there long.
We did the Splash pad which has gotten so much bigger and better than it was last time we were there. The kids played in the water until they were cold and hungry and then we had sun while they dried in the sun.
The ride on bike were new to us, but Blaine hopped right on and away he went and even when there wasn't a bike for him at that moment he ran around the track and still had a blast!
The pirate play ground area is my favourite, that day there wasn't much seating in the shade but kids had a blast and when they were tired and it was almost time for us to leave anyway we did the rides. Blaine was only tall enough to do two on his own so I went on with him for the Farris wheel, YUP I am still terrified of heights! He asked me to go on the elephants with him which I did and it was a tight squeeze for my legs I am not sure how tall moms would get in there. They did the slide sacks twice and had so much fun! The bigger kids did the swings while we did the elephants.
On our way out we stopped at the carousel which for some reason didn't have music. Blaine asked me to stand on with him while he road a horse which I regretted because of the brain injury. Everyone walked over to ride the train, which I HATE with a passion so Sarah road with them the first ride and the second ride he road with the older kids alone.
I am so proud of him over coming his fears!
It was a long, hot but amazing day!
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
killing with kindness
Enabling kills and you will kill them.
Choosing between killing yourself watching them or burying them before they have a chance to know peace is never easy.
We tell ourselves that we are protecting them, that this time our love will be enough. We tell ourselves that love can fix anything. No, no it can't, I don't know who invented that phrase but apparently they never met an addict. Unless maybe they were talking about self love, but I doubt that.
Your actions will kill them. You not allowing them to ever hit rock bottom, you not ever letting them fall and struggle to get back up. You not allowing them see how strong they really are and how worth it they really are, isn't showing them love at all.
We all do it, we lie for them, cover for them and protect them from anything that might trigger a bad reaction or them to plunge head first into their addictions. We live in a world where we walk on egg shells to try and prevent those triggers, here is the thing though, those triggers are going to happen no matter what we do.
When we prevent the addict from falling, when we prevent them from hitting that rock bottom we cause that bottom to get further away from them. The longer we stay under them, the longer it will take them to find their rock bottom and hopefully their own recovery.
We can be kind but not a door mat, we can be kind but the not peace keeper, we can be kind but not the buffer, and we can be kind but not in control.
Somehow, somewhere we confused kindness with permissiveness and self sacrifice Kindness doesn't mean protect them, it doesn't mean prevent bad things from happening to them, it doesn't mean "light ourselves on fire to warm them". What kindness means is listening, understanding, being there when they are ready, living our lives and allowing them to hit rock bottom before they die.
The thing is this type of kindness we have on the day to day for the addict will not only kill them but ourselves too and in the end they still wont be clean or sober and we will be just as broken as them or worse.
Show them kindness by going to meetings and invite them along, invite them to events etc, show them kindness by healing yourself so your strong enough when they are ready for the changes the will come (let me tell it is no picnic and sometimes you will think things were better before they got clean/sober), show them kindness by creating safe boundaries for you and your family, and show them kindness by allowing natural consequences to run their course.
You are going to want to fix everything and make it better, you are going to want to protect them, you are going to want to do all kinds of things for them, but this isn't kindness to an addict. To an addict this type of kindness is a reason for them to keep doing what they are doing, it is a reason for them to keep acting and treating people the way they always have, this kindness will kill them!
Yes, the real kindness is going to upset the apple cart, yes it is going to make them mad, it is going to make a lot of things happen. Make sure you are safe at all times, remember your safety and the safety of your family comes first if you are ever in danger call 911 right away.
The real kindness is going to lead down a scary road that is going to force you to stop focusing on them and their issues and start focusing on yours!
You got this! You are strong! Don't kill yourself or them with kindness!!!
Choosing between killing yourself watching them or burying them before they have a chance to know peace is never easy.
We tell ourselves that we are protecting them, that this time our love will be enough. We tell ourselves that love can fix anything. No, no it can't, I don't know who invented that phrase but apparently they never met an addict. Unless maybe they were talking about self love, but I doubt that.
Your actions will kill them. You not allowing them to ever hit rock bottom, you not ever letting them fall and struggle to get back up. You not allowing them see how strong they really are and how worth it they really are, isn't showing them love at all.
We all do it, we lie for them, cover for them and protect them from anything that might trigger a bad reaction or them to plunge head first into their addictions. We live in a world where we walk on egg shells to try and prevent those triggers, here is the thing though, those triggers are going to happen no matter what we do.
When we prevent the addict from falling, when we prevent them from hitting that rock bottom we cause that bottom to get further away from them. The longer we stay under them, the longer it will take them to find their rock bottom and hopefully their own recovery.
We can be kind but not a door mat, we can be kind but the not peace keeper, we can be kind but not the buffer, and we can be kind but not in control.
Somehow, somewhere we confused kindness with permissiveness and self sacrifice Kindness doesn't mean protect them, it doesn't mean prevent bad things from happening to them, it doesn't mean "light ourselves on fire to warm them". What kindness means is listening, understanding, being there when they are ready, living our lives and allowing them to hit rock bottom before they die.
The thing is this type of kindness we have on the day to day for the addict will not only kill them but ourselves too and in the end they still wont be clean or sober and we will be just as broken as them or worse.
Show them kindness by going to meetings and invite them along, invite them to events etc, show them kindness by healing yourself so your strong enough when they are ready for the changes the will come (let me tell it is no picnic and sometimes you will think things were better before they got clean/sober), show them kindness by creating safe boundaries for you and your family, and show them kindness by allowing natural consequences to run their course.
You are going to want to fix everything and make it better, you are going to want to protect them, you are going to want to do all kinds of things for them, but this isn't kindness to an addict. To an addict this type of kindness is a reason for them to keep doing what they are doing, it is a reason for them to keep acting and treating people the way they always have, this kindness will kill them!
Yes, the real kindness is going to upset the apple cart, yes it is going to make them mad, it is going to make a lot of things happen. Make sure you are safe at all times, remember your safety and the safety of your family comes first if you are ever in danger call 911 right away.
The real kindness is going to lead down a scary road that is going to force you to stop focusing on them and their issues and start focusing on yours!
You got this! You are strong! Don't kill yourself or them with kindness!!!
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