Not your Hole!

I wrote this when I was in a stronger mindset, I wrote this before I got pulled down that hole again. I am posting this when I need to be strong again. I am posting this when I need to pull myself out of that hole.

There is an AA quote I remember from many years ago when my mom started AA. There is a man and he walks down the side walk and falls in a hole. The next day the man walks down the same side walk and falls in the same hole. The man blames the hole instead of crossing the road and walking on the side without any holes. This applies to doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

To me this works in a different light too, it works in a similar way as the addict you love falls in the hole every day and you can stand on the outside of the hole and work on your issues (yes we have issues and seriously ones too) and wait for the addict to hit the rocks at the bottom. We can stay on the outside but the moment we put our hand in the hole they will pull us down to bottom and use us to cushion their fall. We can stand on the outside and work on ourselves and one day we might see a head come above that hole, one day we might have to fill in that hole as we lay them to rest, or even walk away from the hole if we can not trust ourselves to not reach in. Some days you might hear them half way out and you can look in and say keep going you got this, but you can not reach in to aid them. They have to climb that hole on their own.

They made the hole, you didn't, they are either going to stay in it the rest of their lives or reach the top but either way ITS NOT YOUR HOLE!!!!

You may think but their mom, dad, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, dog, cat, or Albert from the first grade caused them so much pain that it's why they are in their hole and that's okay, but you still didn't put them there, its still not your hole.

You can water the grass and plant beautiful flowers all around that hole, its still not yours. You can make it the prettiest hole on the block it still wont force them out.

Only the addict can climb out of their hole, only the addict can stand proudly on their two feet on the outside of the hole. Its is not your recovery. Show them how beautiful recovery can be without rubbing it or gloating or nagging or anything else that you think might help. Just live, live your life. Be your beautiful self!

They will either join you in their own time or they wont and that is okay too. You are allowed to live your life!

Please remember the being there for them doesn't mean standing in the hole with them, or standing on the edge. It isn't being their to bail them out of jail or save their ass or cover for them. Also know that it is okay to walk away from the hole for your safety! Rocks come flying out of that hole at the speed of a jet plane, you don't have to stand and be hit by them you can move away. Be safe always!

So they will be homeless, broke and alone. That might be what they need you can not continue to be landed on if you want to heal yourself.

Its not your hole so get your ass out of it and plant some pretty fucking flowers.