A few weeks ago someone tried to use Owens adoption against me, it didn't work. Judgment comes in all forms when you choose adoption for your child, be it harsh and mean or unintentional but it comes from people who either are uneducated about adoption or just try and get under your skin. I try to use these moments to educate people instead of getting angry and upset.
In my situation adoption was the best thing I could have ever done for my son. At 6 months pregnant I decided open adoption was my best route for him. The bio dad was with a women who was threatening to kill my son and myself and she was pregnant herself. We almost lost the house. I was not in a state were I could provide a financial or stable home for him. I contacted Beginnings adoption agency who were amazing.
I sifted through profile after profile of amazing families but one really stuck out. They were like me, the adoptive father had a childhood kind of like mine. They had tried for 10 years to have children of their own and waited on the adoption list for half that time. They kept getting over looked because of the adoptive fathers childhood. I met with them and fell in love with both of them. They were the perfect match!
But they had been down this road before with a little baby girl and the mom changed her mind. I told them to please set up the nursery it would make me feel better to see that he had his own space. They did, we talked all the time and met a few times for before I gave birth to Owen.
My pregnancy and childbirth with Owen was hard. I had chronic kidney infections and was on antibiotics the whole time. I went into kidney failure at one point. I had toxemia. I spent most of my time on "bed rest". My water broke a month before I actually gave birth, the doctor said I must have peed myself.
I was induced at 6pm on Nov 25th 2009, I started what I had been dealing for a month and just walked it off. Nurse came in and it turns out those pains I just walked off for a month were active labour pains and I was moved into the delivery room. Where for the next 24 hours I was sick and kept telling them something was wrong. My OB came in at points checked me with zero progress I never dilated at ALL and then he broke my waters at some point. This was funny, well for me anyway. He said your gonna feel a gush, he broke my waters and NOTHING happened. I said TOLD YOU I DIDN'T PEE MY SELF!. he looked shocked and left. After more time passed he came back in and freaked out on the nurses that he wasn't called in sooner, I was in and out of consciousness, I was sick and kept saying something was wrong but they just kept telling it was my first and I didn't know what I was talking about.
They rush me into an operating room, I watching the monitors and I was watching my sons heart rate drop to 0 I ask what that means and pass out. My mom and Richard are taken the baby, no bracelets no idea where I am or what is going on, no idea what to do with the baby.
Hours pass before I am brought to a room, no one was told anything not even about what happened while I was gone for hours. The nurse checks my incision, its open. They call the OB in. He says the staple gun malfunctioned and in all his years he has never seen that happen. So they tape me up, I am allergic to tape and adhesive but have no other choices. The catheter is causing burning pain, the nurse has trouble removing it, turns out they used a latex one even after I asked before they put it to make sure it wasn't latex.
My stay was horrible. I wasn't allowed visitors because of H1N1 the hospital was on lock down so I spent most of my time alone.
My night nurse didn't agree with my adoption plan and with held my pains meds and because of my allergies all I could have was T3's so it wasn't like they did much at all.
The counselor at the hospital had no idea about adoption or anything like that and made things worse.
The amazing lady that worked with me through beginnings put in complaints about my care and treatment to the hospital and I hope that doing that made changes for future moms who choose adoption.
The choice for adoption isn't easy and I went back and forth the whole time at the hospital. I decided at one point I couldn't do it. The adoptive parents only response was "Can we will be apart of your life" That question, that moment made the decision for me. They were the best choice, They came up and seen me and the baby. They were not allowed to bring me flowers or a card because in Canada it is seen as paying for the baby and that is illegal.
The day of the adoption ceremony, the moment the adoptive parents had waited so many years for came. In the photos you can see how happy they are and it makes my heart smile. I look like walking dead.
I told Richard that if it felt like I was forgetting something then I couldn't go through with it but when I left the hospital with my bags I didn't feel that way at all. Yes I felt broken, but I felt a peace for him and them.
A week or two after I had Owen I went down to see them, I had to see that he was okay. They messaged every day and I loved them for it!
My son is with the BEST family anyone could ever want, they support him no matter his choices, he travels, plays sports and just has so much love around him.
Over the years seeing him grow and learn and watching him become the young man I wished him to be makes me grateful that I had the opportunity to help a couple become an amazing family!
When people try to use my sons adoption to hurt me it doesn't work because I know my son is in the best possible place!!!
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