#parentingquote

 

 

 

 

https://quotefancy.com/quote/1046031/Danielle-Steel-Motherhood-is-not-for-the-faint-hearted-Frogs-skinned-knees-and-the

Like with any career raising children is one that consists of love, passion, frustration and pride.

We are raising small humans that are going to grow into what we hope are not going to be assholes.

I am not going to tell you it's the hardest career on earth, I will tell you though like any career there are ups and downs. I compare it to any career where you trying very hard to discover or develop something where you have roadblocks and bumps along the way and most of the time like astrophysics unless it's another astrophysicist, no one listens to you or even understands.

Just over a year ago I gained 3 more children making my house the loudest on the block.

We parent our children to learn by doing, by discovering what each of them can do by well, doing it!

Take our backyard for example. We have this amazing playset that I would have traded my sister for as a child. It has a slide and monkey bars and swings.  Do you think they play on it in any kind of what as a parent we would consider "safe"? NOPE!

They create "parkour", what is that you ask? Well, it's creating an obstacle course and jumping, climbing, running and leaping from one object to another. Lamens terms? Doing something that will give your mom a heart attack.

I have learned that similar to when launching your aircraft for the first time you just turn your back and hope that no one dies lol. Yes, I am only half-joking. We allow the children to do things "most" parents wouldn't because we want them to test their limits, to see how far they can push things and really what they are capable of.

If you never allow a child to make decisions (real ones), test their limits (yes even ones that will cause bumps and bruises) they will never grow into adults who will push the limits.

I dont mean breaking the law or hurting others, I mean pushing the limits and creating new ones.

Did you know that to some my children might look like they are doing "dangerous" climbing and jumping but what they are actually doing is physical education, coronation and spatial awareness, creativity, and pushing themselves mentally and physically.

Now, here's the catch I can't watch lol. My poor heart just can't take it.

Anyone else have children who are "active"?

#parentingquote

 Falling in LOVE with Alfie Kohn wasn't something I planned. From the moment I picked up one of his books 3 years ago, one of his books is something I am always reading and loving his quotes.

Long before I ever heard of Alfie or had children of my own, I believed that children should be treated the same way we want to be treated. They should be given choices, etc. I always believed in natural consequences as I will say not watching your footing will cause you to fall, or if you climb that and fall it will hurt for when they climb things they shouldn't.

Children have thoughts and feelings too and are entitled to them.

What Alfie has taught me over the years is that I might have had the right idea and known in my heart that parenting the old ways wasn't okay and wasn't something I wanted to. I went out on a path of my own without knowing exactly that I was doing that at all.

He has also taught me over the years ways I need to improve my thinking and how to help navigate a path that I or anyone I know had gone down.


This quote is one of my favourites. I have always said you can not hit a child to teach them not to hit. Children behave how we show them, so we teach by example. You can't tell a child to shut up, or call them names and then get mad when they do the same thing.

Yes even as a parent you can be a hypocrite and it is just as bad if you are one to a child as if you are being a hypocrite to an adult.

#parentinsquotes

Tools In Your Tool Box

I leaned this one once my mom was in recovery, most things she learned bothered me because it felt as if she was saying things to make my feelings about anything matter less and I can still hear her voice "its not all about you" "thought comes first feelings come second" no matter what I had to say.

Its a cycle and this one can be a good cycle, a growing cycle.

I do not know any of my great grand parents so I can't speak to how they were raised. 

My grandmother on my moms side grew up in a few different homes, she was beaten, raped and wasn't allowed to finish school. She had a horror show of a childhood.

My grandmother on my dads side was adopted as a baby and grew up in a loving home.

Both of my grandmothers had issues with drinking. My maternal grandmother was in and out of abusive relationships. I am not sure at what point she met Brad or when things changed for her but my childhood in her home with Brad had zero drinking, it was clean but she was a hoarder, she loved me without conditions. Both homes I felt love, warmth and acceptance.

I don't know my grandfather on my dads side.

I know very little about my grandfather on my moms side other than he worked all the time, spoiled my mother because she was the baby and possibly has children with another women.

Now the trickle down effect happens. Here is where their childhoods control how they raised my parents.

All of my grandparents were given limited tools on how to treat other people, how to raise children, how to get help for the things that they went through growing up. The following image is their toolbox. They have a hammer and that is all they have in there. So that means they use the tool only tool they have.

My father was loved very much but raised with a heavy hand. He got into a life style young of drugs and other things. My paternal grandmother at no fault of her own was blind to all of this and still is.

My mother was abused by my grandmothers partners, she had a horrid childhood and maybe it is the reason she had me so young and married so young.

As the image above shows they have more tools in their toolbox to raise their children.


In my home as a child it was chaos, there was yelling and screaming, hitting, abuse, drinking, drugs, my mom would go between going back to my dad and other partners. When she wasn't working or going to school, she was out doing whatever. I mainly was raised at my grandmothers house. As I grew up and she was with my stepdad the drinking got worse and so did everything else. My mom never hit me. She used how she was raised to raise me better than she was raised. But didn't fix any of broken tools you was given.

My dad wasn't part of my life much. He was in and out and I protected my sister from his lifestyle and lies.

I fought to protect my sister from anything and everything that was happening in our lives. Today I do not regret protecting her from those things but at the same time she has limited knowledge of them and so she can not grow them those situations.

Taking EVERYTHING from how my parents were raised to how I was raised, I learned. I got help for many of my issues, yes I still have coping mechanisms but not nearly as many as I would have had if I was not aware that I would not raise my child/children the way I was raised.

From the moment of the first child in my home to today I am always reading and learning and putting as many tools in their toolboxes as I can so they can continue the cycle of growing and learning and pass these on to their children.

I do not hit, I do not yell, love is freely given in my home. They will never know the fear of being hungry, the fear of not knowing where I am or what I am doing. They will never have the fear of what mood I am going to be in, they will never fear my "friends", they will never fear anything.

Yes my mom put many tools in my tool box and some of them I use but I replaced the handle on the hammer, I love without conditions. I replaced the screwdriver head, I listen without judgement. I replaced the saw blade, I hug and show affection.

I have learned that we can have a full toolbox but if it is filled with rusty broken tools it wont do anyone any good we have to be willing to replace parts of those tools and throw out the ones that don't work at all anymore in order to keep our cycle growing towards good things.

We can't hang on to those broken tools just because our parents gave them to us, we can't hang onto those rusty tools just because we survived them. We want to give our children better useful tools that they can use and pass on to their children.

If we don't change, adapt and over come our pasts we will just pass a toolbox of broken, rusted tools on to our children.

I don't want to hear "well my parents", "it was good enough", "I lived" all those phrases tell me are you don't want better for your children. That you are somehow wanting them to tapper out where you are. Wanting more and wanting better for our children then what we had shows growth.

It's not about giving them all the toys we never had but equipping them with all of life's tools that we were never given, never had!

We know better now so we must go forward and do better!!!

What tools do you have from your childhood? What tools do you want to leave your children?

#parentingquotes

#parentingquotes

I try really really hard to be a positive parent. I believe that having a little girl repeat every morning with me I am smart, I am a kind person and I am going to have a GREAT day, helps her have a good day at school instead of a rough one and ending up in the principals office.

I think that reminding myself to take a breath and tell myself I got this, helps me get through so many situations including parenting ones.

Before play group I always say to my son " we are kind, we are going to treat other children kindly and we are going to use our words" makes for a more successful playgroup for homeschool trip.

Positivity effects all aspects of our lives and I am a strong believer that the thought comes first and feeling comes second. My mother taught me this quote and I HATED because she would always use when I was just trying to vent to her or in a nasty way. I turned that phrase into something different for me. I turned it into a way to use it positively. I am sure in some sort of weird way that my mother was trying to explain it this way, but the thing is my mom isn't so good at talking to me about things.


If you can't tell already my #parentingquotes this month is Thoughts come first feelings come second.

Our outlook on life can not only effect us, our day, our whole lives but it also effects our children and the way they are going to walk through life.

If we give the tools now to help them through any situation that they come into they will be able to negate life like a pro.  Which sets me up for next months #parentingquotes

http://www.megannichole.com/2017/04/14/baby-chicks-are-fun-fluffy-and-full-ofbacteria/