#parentinsquotes

Tools In Your Tool Box

I leaned this one once my mom was in recovery, most things she learned bothered me because it felt as if she was saying things to make my feelings about anything matter less and I can still hear her voice "its not all about you" "thought comes first feelings come second" no matter what I had to say.

Its a cycle and this one can be a good cycle, a growing cycle.

I do not know any of my great grand parents so I can't speak to how they were raised. 

My grandmother on my moms side grew up in a few different homes, she was beaten, raped and wasn't allowed to finish school. She had a horror show of a childhood.

My grandmother on my dads side was adopted as a baby and grew up in a loving home.

Both of my grandmothers had issues with drinking. My maternal grandmother was in and out of abusive relationships. I am not sure at what point she met Brad or when things changed for her but my childhood in her home with Brad had zero drinking, it was clean but she was a hoarder, she loved me without conditions. Both homes I felt love, warmth and acceptance.

I don't know my grandfather on my dads side.

I know very little about my grandfather on my moms side other than he worked all the time, spoiled my mother because she was the baby and possibly has children with another women.

Now the trickle down effect happens. Here is where their childhoods control how they raised my parents.

All of my grandparents were given limited tools on how to treat other people, how to raise children, how to get help for the things that they went through growing up. The following image is their toolbox. They have a hammer and that is all they have in there. So that means they use the tool only tool they have.

My father was loved very much but raised with a heavy hand. He got into a life style young of drugs and other things. My paternal grandmother at no fault of her own was blind to all of this and still is.

My mother was abused by my grandmothers partners, she had a horrid childhood and maybe it is the reason she had me so young and married so young.

As the image above shows they have more tools in their toolbox to raise their children.


In my home as a child it was chaos, there was yelling and screaming, hitting, abuse, drinking, drugs, my mom would go between going back to my dad and other partners. When she wasn't working or going to school, she was out doing whatever. I mainly was raised at my grandmothers house. As I grew up and she was with my stepdad the drinking got worse and so did everything else. My mom never hit me. She used how she was raised to raise me better than she was raised. But didn't fix any of broken tools you was given.

My dad wasn't part of my life much. He was in and out and I protected my sister from his lifestyle and lies.

I fought to protect my sister from anything and everything that was happening in our lives. Today I do not regret protecting her from those things but at the same time she has limited knowledge of them and so she can not grow them those situations.

Taking EVERYTHING from how my parents were raised to how I was raised, I learned. I got help for many of my issues, yes I still have coping mechanisms but not nearly as many as I would have had if I was not aware that I would not raise my child/children the way I was raised.

From the moment of the first child in my home to today I am always reading and learning and putting as many tools in their toolboxes as I can so they can continue the cycle of growing and learning and pass these on to their children.

I do not hit, I do not yell, love is freely given in my home. They will never know the fear of being hungry, the fear of not knowing where I am or what I am doing. They will never have the fear of what mood I am going to be in, they will never fear my "friends", they will never fear anything.

Yes my mom put many tools in my tool box and some of them I use but I replaced the handle on the hammer, I love without conditions. I replaced the screwdriver head, I listen without judgement. I replaced the saw blade, I hug and show affection.

I have learned that we can have a full toolbox but if it is filled with rusty broken tools it wont do anyone any good we have to be willing to replace parts of those tools and throw out the ones that don't work at all anymore in order to keep our cycle growing towards good things.

We can't hang on to those broken tools just because our parents gave them to us, we can't hang onto those rusty tools just because we survived them. We want to give our children better useful tools that they can use and pass on to their children.

If we don't change, adapt and over come our pasts we will just pass a toolbox of broken, rusted tools on to our children.

I don't want to hear "well my parents", "it was good enough", "I lived" all those phrases tell me are you don't want better for your children. That you are somehow wanting them to tapper out where you are. Wanting more and wanting better for our children then what we had shows growth.

It's not about giving them all the toys we never had but equipping them with all of life's tools that we were never given, never had!

We know better now so we must go forward and do better!!!

What tools do you have from your childhood? What tools do you want to leave your children?

#parentingquotes

Morning Routine

This is our school day routine. Our weekend/holiday/strike day routine looks a little bit different and I will make a post about that later.

Being blessed to be able to stay home with the children is amazing. I am able to make sure there is always a parent here. I feel for a lot of parents who have to go to work and really would rather be home with their children. Personally I would say its both parents having to work that has lessened our family time and community.

My day starts before routine starts because I am up with my son around 1:30am when he wakes. Then I am up every time one of girls wakes even if they are just getting up to pee or whatever.

Blaine gets up at about 5:30am every morning. I am a horrible mom I give him my phone and curl up next to him and go back to sleep until one the girls get up. Then I send them to watch TV until 7am.

7:00am I get up start breakfast and making lunches for school. At this point I also start dinner.

7:15am Everyone eats, I finish making lunches, clean up the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, put a load of laundry in the washing machine.

7:30am I help pick out every ones clothes and they all get dressed. I fill back packs while they are getting dressed. Yes all 4 children even the ones who are not going to school get dressed at this point.

7:45am I start hair. I start with the youngest and work my way up to the oldest. Hair takes awhile round here because all 4 need their hair done for the day. Blaine only gets a pony with 3 elastics down it. Every one gets hair spray to limit their exposure to head lice.

8:15am I get myself dressed and my hair brushed. Clean up from doing every ones hair.

8:20am Every one gets their boots and gear on for heading to school.

8:30am We head out the door and off to school.

Here is where my morning varies depending on if my business partner is coming to work or not. If she is not then I take Blaine and the youngest girl to play group. If she is coming in then I come home set up my work station and work until noon with her.

Mornings are loud! because everyone is playing and getting ready but the process seems to work for us. It is streamlined. But if I sleep in by even 5 minutes then we are always behind and rushing.

Routine and knowing what is going to happen next is very import especially with children who are autistic. If the routine changes even on a weekend or we have to rush then its melt downs and sets them up for a horrible day.

Since having a routine the middle girls melt downs have lessened greatly and the school has noticed a HUGE change in her, which is wonderful!!!!

What do your mornings look like? Do you have a set routine? Are you rushed? Are you a working mom who has to balance work and home life? Are you a hard working stay at home mom with a to do list 6 pages long?

Night time Routine

https://dlpng.com/png/5097479

Our nights look a little crazy and go by really fast. It starts with the older girls getting home at about 3:20.

Sometimes I get "lucky" and one of the kids refuse to bath and things get done sooner. What has been even better lately is that the oldest girl doesn't fight with me to do her book in the bag so I don't spend many many hours at the table.




3:20pm Snacks and homework. Homework can last anywhere from 10mins to hours depending how well the oldest cooperates with me. Snack is normally many snacks because everyone is starving when they come home from school but barely touch their lunch lol.


3:50pm Free play while I finish making and plate dinner. Free play is a whole lot of yelling, running and being wild, I can not wait until the weather is nicer and they can play in the backyard.

4:30pm Dinner I am so glad I start this early in the day because even after many snack everyone is still starving and can't wait to eat!

5:00pm Walk the dogs. For us this gets the last bit of the sillies out before bed.


6:05pm Bath time starting with the youngest. Each child gets about 15 mins in tub.

6:20pm The youngest gets dried and dressed. and I empty and refill the tub.

6:25pm The second youngest gets in the tub.

6:40pm The second youngest gets dried and dressed and I empty and refill the tub.

6:45pm The second oldest child gets in the tub




7:00pm The second oldest child gets dried and dressed and I empty and refill the tub.

7:05pm The oldest gets in the tub

7:20pm The oldest gets dried and dressed while I clean up the bathroom and make snack.

7:30pm They have snack while I read 1 chapter out of a chapter book we are currently reading Aliens Don't Plan Parties, 1 story out of one the multi books like Bernstein Bears 5 Minute stories and 1 of the books they picked out from the library.

7:45pm I start brushing and flossing 4 sets of teeth

8:00pm I lay with B and sing our 3 songs and I lay with him until he falls. Connely sits in with the girls until they fall asleep.

8:30pm I get into the shower

8:40pm I tidy up and start working on client orders.

11:00pm I head to bed. Some nights when I have had more than enough I go to bed at 10pm. I am up at least once during the night with Blaine, and once or more with the other girls when I hear them getting up to go pee etc.

What does your night time routine look like? Is it busy? laid back? structured?

I think my favourite time with bedtime is reading to them and snuggles in bed with Blaine. Since the girls have arrived his one on one time with me is reduced so any one on one time with him I cherish.

Do you have a favourite thing about your night time routine?

Homeschool: Grateful

Each day is different, some days we rock it and some days we struggle but homeschooling is what is best for my son and I know that.

As I watch a children struggle in school because the school can't "handle" them, as I watch and am helpless to help, I cry. I cry because I know for that child school is too much, I know for that child that the school system is just going to fail them because they do not have the ability to work with them or to help them in the way they need it. I watch as one parent feels helpless to do anything and the other is only mad because they are called to the school everyday.

For some children school isn't right for them. Our school system is build to teach in one way, that children are to fall in line or just get pushed forward and labeled the "bad" kid.

From the time Blaine was very little I knew something wasn't right with him. Just before 2 everything changed for him it was weird. He had 100's of words by the time he was 18 months, the healthy babies nurse was shocked that he could use 2-3 word sentences at a year and a half. He had multi-syllable words before he was a year. He walked early, climbed early, did EVERYTHING early.

 I was so proud of him, but I also noticed things bothered him and he did odd things like he freaked out when you put him in different clothes, played in ways that were OCD like, he didn't like to be cuddled other than in the baby wearing snuggly. He loved all food, hated to be held by any one but me we just chalked it up to mommys boy and left it at that, he was also potty training at 1.5 years because he wanted to.

Then things changed. Everyone chalked it up to all his ear infections and that they caused his speech sounds to change, his eating etc. But I knew in my gut something wasn't right. I talked to his pediatric specialist he said he was fine and normal, but I knew. I knew the signs. I knew my little boy.

I tried to talk to his dad but he didn't want to hear it, didn't want to believe it. We had decided before  he was born that we were going to homeschool because we both knew our school system was horrible.

I knew the signs and signed him up for pathways and st.clair child and youth right away. I talked to the healthy babies nurse and staff at the play group we always attended. We had appointments and meetings and they all saw it but his doctor refused to see it. They all asked what I was going to do for school I said well we planned on homeschooling. They said good because our system is not equipped to handle children like him that is would regress. I surely didn't want that!

At 29 months I put him in preschool 2 days a week and I watched him fall apart, I watch the preschool tell him he just can't handle it. I watched him hide under his blanket in corner because he couldn't handle anymore. I also knew he said he loved it, that he loved his friends, but it wasn't good for him. I let him stay until just before his 4th birthday he was with my business partners daughter there.

I knew there was no way he was going to be able to handle a classroom of 30 other kids if he couldn't handle one that had 15.

We worked so hard each day and I didn't want him to regress, he was so smart. Before he turned 4 he could tell you his first and last name, my first and last name, his dads friend and last name, my phone number, our address, city, province, what planet we lived on, the biggest star in the sky, he could count to 20 and do simple math.

Today he is 5.5 he is smart, uses his words instead of reactions most of time and is learning that its okay to ask for his head phones when its too noisy, to hid under his blanket when things are too much and that its okay to take a break. He tried to be friends with everyone, although that includes children who are mean to him.

He is smart, loves math, doing great with learning how to read, loves video games and youtube videos. He loves to play and run and the dogs until they bark lol.

I grateful I followed my gut and my heart, I am grateful that my child has the chance to learn in safe place and catered to the way he learns. I am grateful for a little boy so full of life!

What are you grateful for? 

Cookies

Yes its considered homeschool. Lets look at why.

Things they learn:

Measurements (Math)
Science
Patience
Fine motor skills
Cooking skills
and probably many more things that I just can't think of at the moment.

Today was the first time in Blaines little life he begged me from the moment he woke up to bake cookies. He hates getting messy, has a hard time focusing on one task and well has the attention span of a wet noodle (Yes I say that with LOVE).

Two days ago he found some cookies cutters I had gotten on sale at Micheals and was planning on using just for fondant.

I haven't made shaped cookies in so long, not for Christmas or anything. I used to make them all time but the past few years I have had no interest in them. (A lot has changed because of the brain injuries)

Because of the many many many years of baking for clients I am a bit of a control freak in my kitchen between no dogs, special clothes, hand washing etc. Well when it comes to children in the kitchen everything changes and tends to go out the window.

It took a lot of self talk to remind myself these are not for clients and that its okay if they are not perfect or not the way I would do it. JUST HAVE FUN AND ENJOY THE MOMENT!

The butter didn't get quite mixed as well as I would have in the mixer so I worked on that while I just mixed it in when I rolled out the dough. They turned out awesome! Although a little miss shapened (which apparently isn't a real word but I am going to use it anyway.)

He was excited and actually ate 1/2 of one. Which is huge for him because well he will tell you he hates cookies other than oreos but who doesn't love oreos.

He had a blast and loved every moment of it, other then the few times he got flour on himself and he had to run to the bathroom to wash his hands (we have a sink in the kitchen but he has to wash his hands in the bathroom).

I know these things seem like normal everyday things but for a mom with a child who has ASD they are huge. Will it happen again, who knows but at least we have one memory of making cookies together.

And this afternoon we will taking our pumpkins to the animal farm because the animals there love them and I need out for a little bit!