Perfection

There was a time in my life not long ago when I sought perfection in everything I did from laundry to the way the house looked. I was at the point where as Richard says I was cleaning dirt that wasn't there, I wouldn't allow anyone to help me with anything I had to do everything on my own. I have no idea what I was trying to prove or to who back not so long ago. There are many things that I still expect perfection from myself such as my daily to do list's those I expect to be finished by the time Richard gets home, not every day does this happen and I don't stay up until 2-3am making sure it’s done as I have in the past. My expectations didn’t only affect me they affected everyone around me because it was not only me I expected it from. I don't refold all the drawers and closets each week, I do it twice a year now. The towels don't have to be folded to perfect rectangles; mine and Richard's jeans are not always hung lined up. I have learned that there are more important things in life than making sure my house is spotless each and every day. Our house most days is clean there are some days that I just don't have the time. If anyone comes to our home expecting to eat off my floors they have another thing coming :). I enjoy life more now than I did before. When we have company I still stress that the house is not clean enough there are many traits that did stay with me, but I have learnt to let go for the most part lol. Before I had my stroke I was the do it all person I didn't need any help just stay out of my way and let me get it done. I was mean and grumpy because I had so much to do and no one knew how to do it right so I had to do it alone and I was mad at that. I spent a lot of time mad. There are a few things that I still don't let anyone help me with such as cooking, but I am even getting better with that. I am learning to forgive myself and that its okay if it’s not done today, even though still in the back of my mind its driving me crazy at least I am trying lol. I want to enjoy the people and things in my life while I can, having the stroke made me realize and with the help of Richard and Keith lol I need to relax that it’s OKAY for me to sit and take a break. Not every day do I remember this but I am far better than I used to be that’s for sure! I wouldn't go back even for the cleanest house on the block, Yes things are out of "its place" and yes one day it will make it back to "its place" but today it’s not there and that’s okay!

You can forgive everyone around you but the hardest person to forgive is yourself.