NOTE: THIS IS A BRAIN DUMP!!! READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO "HEAR" IT
Fluff is all I have written since being told by The Children's Aid Society that it's okay to have an outlet for my life but, it is not okay for it to be public like my blog is.
Fluff just wasn't doing what I needed it to do to soothe my soul that aches to write. This week I just couldn't get rid of the craving for writing. The strong urge to write something other than, for lack of a better word that hasn't been used too many times already in this blog post and I am only just starting it, FLUFF.
I have decided that they can fuck their hat (sorry for the language.) I can write what I like when I like and how I like.
Chaos is one word for my mind, a million things are going on in it all the time and half of them are things I want to write about!
Did you know that someone might figure out who the children I write about are? Did you know they might figure out who their mother and family are? Did you know that 99% of people who actually read my blog already freaking know who they are? Did you know that I am done caring what others think of my writing outlet?
I will do an update post later about the children and all the crap that is going with a system that makes me want to scream and pull my hair out!
Things in my mind right now!
Did you know that I stopped caring, wanting to decorate or so anything with the holidays (any holiday) when I stopped hosting it?
Do you know that people make me so angry, people who can't actually do some research and read LEGIT articles from REAL sources to get their information before sharing it?
Tessa has become my shadow (She is a foster dog with issues who can't be placed in another home unless they have no other animals or plan to have any other animals or come into contact with other animals because she will attack them...All 20lbs of her)
Tessa could be called a "pitbull" in Ontario that means she could be ordered to be put to sleep, all 20ish LBS of her. Do you know why? Because she has the stance, the smile and the square head of a breed that is banned by description. Did you know it is not backed by any science or proof of any kind?
2020 has been a tough year. Yes, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge but even those of us who have those things are not okay. Are struggling to get through each day, but we are not allowed to say anything or speak up because so many have it worse. Yes, you bet your boots so many have it so much worse and I wish I could fix it for them all, but I am allowed to not be okay too. YOU are allowed to not be okay too!
I LOVE children anyone who knows me knows that they know that they will always come first for me and I will protect them with my life. Some use this to their advantage as a weapon knowing that I will not allow any harm to come to them. Those people have issues!
JUST WEAR THE GOD DAMN MASK, MY KIDS RANGING FROM 4-7 ALL WITH ISSUES OF DIFFERENT SORTS CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU!!!
Getting mad at wait staff for the rules the government sets in place to protect everyone is not their fault. They are following the rules, you should give it a try sometime.
Surgery sucks, and it hurts, and it takes a very long time to heal, even if the outside looks semi-healed the inside is a mess of all sorts.
Addiction sucks, yes I am not allowed to hate the addict but I am sure as hell allowed to hold them accountable for their actions and behaviours. Yes, there will be a post addiction.
I plan to write every day again and write whatever I want to write with limited fluff. Still need the fluff in there so it's not all ramblings.
I made a promise a while back to myself mainly but also who actually read my blog and that was to write 1000 words a day and I need to keep that promise to myself.
Christmas is right around the corner and I am not even close to ready. The tree isn't up (hoping today), the decorations are not lit and I am defiantly not feeling the Christmas cheer and it's not even because it's 2020 and such a crap year.
Well, apparently that took care of what my brain needed because now my head is fuzzy and I need a nap. Some people need to talk it out, some people need to yell and scream, some people need to be physically active (I miss that after I recover I am hoping to get back at working out), and some people need to write. Even if they know no one is reading it.
I have so many topics I want to write about in the coming year. This year was supposed to be my year to take the kids everywhere and write about our travels and learning, seeing as that didn't happen. This coming year will be all about writing, creating other amazing memories with the children and not just making it through the day to day muddle but actually living! Oh and healing! Can't forget about that one, not only do the little ladies in my care need healing but so do I.
Do you have plans for 2021? I know with the way 2020 went it's so hard to see or even want to try and make plans, but if we don't then we have nothing to look forward to and we all need to have a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how small it might be.
You are loved, You are wanted, You are amazing!!!
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| Photo Borrowed from: https://devpost.com/software/brain-dump-izd71t |
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