Birthdays

 Today I turn 35 years old.

I HATE birthdays always have since the time I was very small I would cry at every birthday and I remember this vividly because my mother used to make fun of me every year for it.(Side note you should never make fun of children those memories last a life time.) 

I don't care that I am aging that doesn't bother me. Always young at heart and all that jazz.

Every year I wonder what have I done to make a difference in this world. What have I done to leave an impact and the world a little better. I try to tell myself that its the little things that cause a ripple effect. But in the back of my mind I am telling myself that isn't enough, I am not enough. 

I tend to treat life like a check list, like one of my to do lists. 

This year instead of a to do list I am creating a list of things I have done to impact others, things that I have done that caused little ripples in this world. 

Maybe one day I will create a bigger ripple, ones that make an impact at the world level. I doubt it but I can always dream right?

 I know, I know, its like saying I need validation through helping others to make me have self worth. But for me thats not it all. Every ounce of me has a need to help others. A need to right the wrongs and try to leave the world a little better when I leave than when I got here. 

 I don't need a pat on the back or a thank you or world recognition I just need to know in my own mind that I made a difference.