Pregnant!

Well I guess I can officially announce it now that I have had the ultra sound and things appear "okay". The baby is 8 weeks and 4 days and I am 10 weeks 4 days gestational. We had no been telling anyone because about 6 weeks ago when we first found out my HCG levels were not raising how they were supposed to be. I was so scared that the ultra sound today was going to tell me it was not a viable fetus.

And Yes before anyone has to ask me I plan on parenting this child. I am both excited and scared. They say after a mother places a child for adoption they go one of two ways they become over attached not even allowing their spouse to care for the child or they do not attach at all.

Guilt is one word for how I feel about being pregnant and its not a strong enough word. I am worried that Owen will hate me for parenting a child, that he will wonder why did I keep this one and not him. I am lucky to be able to have him in my life and I would hate for him not to want me a part of his life because I parented another child.

So right now I am happy that everything is "okay" with the baby; however, I am carry so much guilt which I am not sure how to deal with.

 I will find out more details when I see my OBGYN next week as to actually how "okay" things are lol.